Why Chasing Approval Leaves You Empty And How to Find Yourself Again
So many of us are exhausted. Not just from doing too much… but from trying to be too much. We chase success, approval, and productivity because somewhere along the way, we internalised a story: “If I do more, achieve more, become more… then I’ll finally feel enough.”
And it’s exhausting.
But here’s the question that stopped me in my tracks:
What law of the universe says it has to be that way?
Who decided what makes a life “successful” or “worthy”?
Why do we push ourselves to live lives that don’t even feel like ours?
And why are we so afraid to step off the stage and stop performing?
We rarely stop to question the script. We just keep reciting it, hoping the applause will fill the emptiness inside.
The Hidden Cost of Approval
I used to believe I had to earn love, success, and even rest. If I did all the right things, stayed kind, smiled often, avoided conflict, and overdelivered, then maybe I’d finally feel worthy. Safe. Accepted.
But it wasn’t working.
For almost fifty years, I lived as the “good girl.” I chased approval, fitted myself into other people’s expectations, and performed whatever version of me I thought would be most lovable. I became so good at it, I lost myself completely. I was a chameleon, constantly shape-shifting… and it wore me down.
Even vacations never felt like vacations. At a friend’s house for a long weekend, I did everything to feel liked, to be the perfect guest. I cooked, I cleaned, I played DJ, I smiled through the tiredness, jumping into every conversation to keep the energy high. No wonder I came home drained instead of refreshed… needing a vacation from vacations. And this wasn’t a one-off. It was my norm.
Slowly, inevitably, I became deeply unhappy.
My wake-up call didn’t come out of nowhere. It had been building for years. The fatigue, the constant pressure to perform, the stress from work, the emptiness I carried home after every social event… it all piled up. The last straw was panic attacks. Sudden, overwhelming, impossible to ignore. My body was screaming what my heart had been whispering for years: this isn’t working… something has to change.
That’s when I realised how empty I felt inside. If you had asked me then what brings me joy, I wouldn’t have been able to answer. I had been so focused on who I thought I should be that I had no idea who I really was.
I started to question everything. Not because I had the answers… but because I couldn’t keep living that way.
Who Made the Rules?
So I asked myself the questions we rarely stop to ask:
- Why is being a lawyer seen as more respectable than living a peaceful life in the countryside?
- Why is making millions the default symbol of success?
- Why is being “average” considered a failure — even when you’re content?
- Why do we chase degrees, titles, or accolades if they don’t reflect who we are inside?
And the biggest question of all:
Who is dictating what you should or shouldn’t do and be?
That was the eye-opener. Because in the end, it wasn’t “them” at all. It was me, my own inner voice, repeating the rules I had absorbed without question.
You may not realise how conditioned you are until you step back from the noise and whisper: What if I don’t want that? And then, more daring still: What if I want something else?
The more I questioned those rules, the clearer it became: the problem was never that I wasn’t enough, but that I kept believing I had to be someone else to be worthy.
Being You Is Not a Flaw. It’s More Than Enough.
This is what I wish I realised sooner: you don’t need to be louder, smarter, richer, or more polished to be worthy. You don’t need to be shinier or smoother. You just need to be real.
You just need to be you. Not a performance. Not a role. Not a filtered version.
Because your energy, your truth, your way of being — unpolished and unperformed — is the very thing that creates connection. It’s how we find the people who see us. It’s how we stop feeling alone. It’s how we finally find peace in our own skin.
Authenticity builds genuine relationships. It is not about perfection; it is about presence.
Let This Be Your Reminder
- You don’t need to be liked by everyone.
- You don’t need to perform your worth.
- You don’t need to explain your joy, your pace, or your path.
You are allowed to take up space as you are.
You are allowed to have needs, preferences, and desires.
You are allowed to change your mind, speak your truth, and trust yourself.
You are allowed to stop pretending.
Try This
This week, let yourself just be.
- Catch yourself mid-sentence and choose words that feel true.
- Wear what feels like you… not what impresses others.
- Let your “no” be clear and unapologetic.
- Share the messy version of your truth.
- Do something because it’s right for you, not because it’s expected.
- Rest when you’re tired, without apologising or earning it.
Then say this out loud:
I am allowed to be exactly who I am.
Take a breath. And mean it.
Final Thought
The people who are meant for you will love you more when you stop trying. The peace you crave will meet you when you return to your truth. The joy you miss is waiting beneath the mask.
You don’t need to become more to be enough. You’ve always been enough. The only thing left is to believe it.
Be here. Be wild. Be you. 🦋
Myrto
