Afraid of negative feelings? You are not alone. My 3 phases and 4 tips.
So many times, we deny ourselves and our feelings because of what we, or other people, believe is the right thing to do or the right way to be. Dealing with feelings wasn’t something I could cope with well in the past. But something in me slowly changed over the last few years.
I started writing this piece during the last Christmas holidays and forgot about it until today, when I stumbled upon it and decided to finish my thoughts, as they felt relevant. It’s for you - and me - who often go through the motions with feelings, experiencing sadness, loneliness, and stress, and wondering if you’re alone and what you should do about it.
Phase 1
It was the 30th of December, and I felt very lonely. This is what I wrote:
I love my independence, don’t get me wrong, but during the holiday season, people come together. You are expected to do things with the ones you love, family, and close friends—be happy, celebrate, and have fun. And even though it doesn't make sense when you look at it rationally, you get drawn to the holiday’s sentiment. Relationships are tested. People either get closer or grow apart.
Today, I feel a void. I am sad. Unsatisfied. I’m not in the mood for the Christmas festivities. On the contrary, I want to hide in my hole and be miserable. I know I am not the only one, which is why I decided to channel this feeling into writing about it and sharing it with you.
However, know that, like everything else, this too shall pass. And that's my message to all of you who have similar feelings.
It's one of those days when I want more. I crave intimacy. Being with friends or family isn’t enough. I want a special someone to share the day with. And that is ok. I know I will be ok. I observe and go with the flow. Even if this means feeling sad. In the past, I would have tried to suppress my emotions, convincing myself that I am happy just as I am. I would have found something to do, just for the sake of it, even if it was not what I desired with my heart. Or I would resort to wine and food. Numbing my feelings. Forgetting.
Not this time. I have reached a point in my life where I am not afraid to feel. I observe. I stay with the feeling. I accept it. Until it takes its course and is no longer present. Maybe it will be later today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe in a few days. And that’s fine.
Life is not just about being happy all the time. It is about the experience. About learning. About feeling all the emotions. The highs and the lows. About being. Present in the moment. Now.
As I write this, I start to feel peace within. A smile is returning to my face. Healing has begun. I am at peace!
Phase 2
It is now the 3rd of January, into the new year, and my emotions have been like a rollercoaster this past week. Going from happy, dancing like crazy, feeling complete with deep, intimate conversations with friends, to sad and lonely, wishing I was somewhere else, sceptical, peaceful, creative, frustrated, bored, lazy, thoughtful about my life… you name it, I felt it all.
And this theme continued for the first three months of the year, with me being more introverted, spending more time at home alone, feeling a lack of energy to do things, and being more tired than usual, not feeling quite myself, with the occasional wild days popping in between. All the while, noticing what I was going through… keeping in mind that we go through phases and we cannot be at our 100% all the time.
The old me would have been plagued with guilt and would have pushed me to try harder, work harder, and snap out of it. The new me just watched… sometimes wondering when this phase would end… LOL.
Phase 3
We are in the week after Easter, at the end of April. I’m back from my holiday, during which I spent four days in Edinburgh with very close friends before going to London and spending five days alone. Yes, alone on Easter, a big Greek traditional family holiday! It was the first time I didn’t have a specific plan for how to spend it with friends or family, and on an impulse, I decided to take this solo trip.
In the past, spending Easter alone would have triggered feelings of loneliness and misery. Not this time. I enjoyed my me-time, and when I came back, I wanted more. I had the freedom to choose how to spend my days. I did what I wanted most at the time: walking around London, listening to music, exploring new vegan tastes, visiting pubs, talking to strangers, or just taking in the city’s vibe. I felt alive and full of energy! I felt inspired. I even had a new idea about helping women - a place where we can discuss our problems and support each other. If I move ahead with it, I will update the post ;-)
What a contrast from the beginning of the year! Today, I feel happy and at peace. I feel confident and content. I am not sure if it’s because I’m evolving or if this is just another phase I’m going through. However, what I’m sure of is this: first, looking back, I have survived every difficult period in my life, and I always will; second, it’s all about what I tell myself and the meaning I give to my thoughts and emotions; and third, honouring my feelings and respecting my needs can only bring good in the end.
My conclusion, along with my 4 tips:
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Don’t deny what you’re feeling, and most importantly, don't feel guilty or add stress on top of it. It will only take more time to subside or come back stronger to force you to acknowledge it. Let it be and observe. It is what it is.
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You cannot experience only the good; everything is part of our journey. Don’t be afraid to feel, knowing that this, too, shall pass. Things change.
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All it takes is acknowledging your feelings, surrendering, accepting, and letting time and presence in the moment work their magic. And believe you me, they do!
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When you go with the flow, you allow what needs to be expressed to rise to the surface. And it can be beautiful and inspiring.
Are you struggling? I am here for you. You can schedule a 30 min free call with me here.
